If you missed it, here’s why I’m writing A Year of Delights
A Year of Delights Day 2 – Yes To Me
It’s been one thing after another lately and time for myself has fallen to the side.
Walks alone are my sanity maker and I’ve needed it more than ever lately, but it’s hard to come by.
Bassam tells me to go but there never seems to be a good time. So so so much guilt. Why is so much guilt associated with being a mother?
So I say “no, it’s ok I’ll go another time.” And each time I say no to myself and push off that sanity maker, I sink deeper into a hole of overwhelm, fatigue, and let’s be honest, some sadness.
The deeper I get into that hole, the it gets harder and harder it is to get out. Both figuratively (out of the hole) and literally (out of the house).
Today’s delight is saying no to the guilt.
Yes to myself.
Yes to getting out of the hole. Telling the guilt it can come along for the ride but it will not call the shots.
Guilt did come along. I worried the whole time, is Bassam struggling because Zayn is fussy. Will we get Zayn to bed too late. (Spoiler: yes to both, but it’s okay).
I come back to the delight. The delight of saying yes to me.
Of existing only to myself for an hour.
Of breathing the fresh air.
Watching the sky turn to dusk.
Noticing the gleaming crescent moon.
My only task to put one foot in front of another.
On a route I haven’t taken since before I became a mother.
The opportunity to see it through these now changed eyes.
You can find all of A Year of Delight entries HERE.