Hi guys! How’s week 2 going for you so far? (Click here for the challenge if you missed it)
This was such an exciting week for me because it’s the first time Bassam has agreed to try speaking my love language. I learned about love languages a few years ago and really wanted us to try it, but it was something Bassam had a lot of resistance around. I’ve gone in spurts of trying to speak Bassam’s language more frequently on my own without expecting it back from him or telling him, but never maintained it. There were times he didn’t notice at all, which tells me I probably wasn’t doing it enough or maybe wasn’t even doing it correctly. The times that I really put effort into making it noticeable, I did notice a drastic difference in how he felt and also noticed that him feeling more loved made him more loving towards me.
The challenge this week was soooo good for us. We both ended the week reporting that we felt way more loved and connected with each other.
Lena’s Love Language:
My love language is gifts. On the first day of the challenge, Bassam got me a notebook with a daily quote, a card, and a bag of red and pink candy (I only like red and pink candy, haha). I was so incredibly touched by his gift, I almost cried. Gifts are really really hard for Bassam. He’s given me a gift just a handful of times in our 3 years of marriage and tends to skip most gift giving holidays, including my birthday. It meant so so so much to me that he was able to pick out something that was so exactly what I liked and it made me realize he knows me better than I realized. I know that sounds silly because of course he knows me, but since my love language is gifts and he usually says he doesn’t know what to get or doesn’t get anything at all, it has felt in the past that he doesn’t know how to pick out a gift for me/doesn’t know me.
Bassam didn’t speak my love language again that week, but it was okay because the gesture on the first day went a really long way for me and actually kept my love meter full for quite a few days. I think going so big on the first day burned him out for the rest of the week. Bassam can be very all or nothing, so I’ve tried to explain in the past that speaking my language doesn’t have to be big all the time, it can be something little like leaving a cute note on the bathroom mirror or in my purse. This is definitely something I’d like us to try again.
Bassam’s Love Language:
Bassam’s primary love language is physical touch. I did my best to touch him constantly: hugs, cuddles, back scratches, massages, etc. I actually started feeling like I was overdoing it and asked him if it was too much, but it was the perfect amount for him. It made me realize why in the past when I’ve tried it wasn’t noticeable to him, because I definitely wasn’t doing it at the frequency that I did it this week. He reported every day feeling really loved, feeling like our relationship was so much better, and I noticed he was sweeter towards me in return.
I got to practice the unconditional part here. When I realized Bassam had forgotten to speak my love language again, I still kept speaking his without expecting anything in return. It was really interesting to see how my feelings of love increased just because of seeing him so happy. That was a really nice part of the challenge experience for me.
What we’ll do moving forward
Moving forward we definitely want to try to continue speaking each others love languages more frequently. After seeing what a big difference it made, Bassam is now much more on board with it.
To make things easier for us, we may need to figure out how to make it part of our everyday routine: what part of our day will prompt us to speak each other’s love language? For example, waking up in the morning and going to bed are prompts for me to massage Bassam or scratch his back.
Also, learning that it doesn’t have to be really big. The little things go a long way and are much more attainable.
Finally, making sure that it is truly the person’s love language. For example, Bassam thinks texting me is speaking my love language and while I do love to receive texts from him, that’s not speaking my love language. I think putting my hand on Bassam’s leg or shoulder is speaking his love language, and to him it’s not. Don’t try to force what you think their love language is on them; that defeats the point!
How did this week’s challenge go for you? Send us an email and let us know! We’d love to hear from you!
PS. I feel like a broken record, but please please please don’t feel badly if this week’s challenge didn’t go well for you. It didn’t go well for us for so long. Relationships are a journey and all of these things take time. Just remember that no actions are wasted. Even if you just had the conversation about love languages but didn’t actually take the quiz, that’s still something and will hopefully lead to more in the future.