Welcome to week 2 of the 6 week relationship challenge! We hope Week 1 went well for you and you were able to get aligned with your visions, dreams, and goals. (If you missed it, you can find Week 1 HERE and our Week 1 Check In HERE) Next up is love languages!
Challenge #2 – Love Languages
Okay guys, this one is a big one! While love languages seem simple, we think they are a game changer in a relationship! Every individual feels and expresses love in one primary way. While many things may make people feel loved, there’s usually one way that makes a big difference to them. If their partner isn’t speaking their “language” it can be easy to be unloved no matter what else their partner is doing. It’s kind of like how I can understand a tiny bit of French, but I don’t actually speak it. Bassam speaks French. If he starts speaking to me in French all the time, I’m not going to understand him! Kind of a silly example, but it’s very similar to love languages. You have to speak each other’s love “languages” to feel loved and satisfied by each other.
We’ll be honest- this is one we really struggle with! Both of us score 0 for each other’s primary love language. We have a really hard time speaking each other’s love language, it just feels like such an EFFORT and doesn’t come naturally at all. Bassam has been really resistant to us working on this because he’s always felt like if it feels like effort, then it means something is wrong. He’s also felt like if we have to TRY to speak each other’s language then it is not the same. It has taken a long time for him to really be willing to try this and I’m really excited to see what it does for our relationship.
I tell you all this because if your significant other is resistant to this idea, I don’t want you to feel alone. I’ve been there and always felt badly thinking I’m the only one. Sometimes new ideas have to be discussed several times before a couple is on the same page and that’s totally fine. It’s all part of the journey and baby steps to get to where you want to be in your relationship.
For this week’s challenge, we are challenging you to do the following:
- Learn your partner’s love language (take the quiz here)
- Take it again even if you’ve taken it before! Your love language can change depending on what’s going on right now in your life. Both of our secondarys changed and Bassam’s primary changed!
- Ask your partner to tell you what types of actions or activities are meaningful to them for their primary and secondary love language. You can also do other things, but this will help you get ideas and also teach you what their love language means to them
- Speak your partner’s primary love language every day this week and their secondary love language at least 1-2x this week
- Discuss at the end of the week how this felt, what it brought up, and in what capacity you’d like to continue doing it
- If you really want to go all out with this challenge, read the book together. It’s really insightful and provides a lot of great information on how and why speaking each other’s love language can improve a relationship. (Don’t forget it’s also the prize for this week! Just let us know how the challenge is going for you and we’ll enter you in raffle to win a copy!)
We know everyday feels like a lot, but we decided to do it this way for a few reasons:
- This is what the book recommends, especially initially when you’re trying to make an impact on your relationship
- You want it to be noticeable and make your partner truly feel loved. If you haven’t been speaking their language and they haven’t been feeling loved, just a few times a week might not be enough in the beginning
- We wanted it to become a habit! We know how much effort it can take to speak your partner’s love language if it’s not the same as yours, but in doing it daily, you can see that it can be easier and simpler than you realized! Plus practice makes perfect! Doing it more often will make it feel easier in the long run!
- You’ll start to come up with a lot more ideas and ways to speak with language!
Remember you don’t have to stick to daily in the future, this is just for the sake of this week and to see what impact it has. Think of it like an experiment!
An important tip from the book: do this with no strings attached. Don’t speak your partner’s love language hoping they will speak yours back. If your partner isn’t participating in the challenge with you, you can still do this without them. If they are participating in the challenge but they forget to do it, you still do it anyway. The author states that both partners will feel a difference even if only one person is putting in the effort and by feeling loved, the partner who isn’t doing it may start feeling motivated to reciprocate.
Here are a few examples for each love language:
Examples of Gifts:
The point here is thought, not necessarily a physical gift. You don’t have to wait for special occasions to surprise them with a gift. If this is your partner’s love language, be careful not to miss the opportunity to gift them on special occasions or make them feel special on special occasions
- Hide a sweet note in their work bag
- Create a scavenger hunt around the house
- Surprise them with a small gift that’s an inside joke, something they’ve been wanting, or otherwise meaningful
- Pick up a little surprise when you go grocery shopping
- Send them a cute email
- Sign them up for a class they’ve been wanting to take
- Make them something
Examples of Acts of Service:
Offer to help without being asked. If this is your partner’s love language, be careful to follow through on chores you’ve promised to do
- Take the dog for a walk
- Make them dinner
- Pack their lunch for work
- Fill up their car with gas
- Do their laundry
- Take on a task or chore you know they hate
- Coordinate time for them to do something they love on their own
Examples of Quality Time:
If your partner’s love language is quality time, they feel loved when you give them your time and attention. Make sure to be there for them by spending time with them if they need you or are feeling down. Your physical presence means more than anything else. Do your best to spend time alone with them without others and without your phone
- Plan a date night
- Spend time with them without your phone
- Buy tickets to a movie, play, or show you know they’d like
- Take them on a surprise adventure
- Make dinner together
- Play a game together
- Plan a day trip or weekend getaway
Examples of Physical Touch:
Human contact is their form of communication if your partner’s love language is physical touch. Be sure to touch them often! This doesn’t just have to be in a sexual manner, although that can’t hurt either! Not being affectionate with your loved one can be very hurtful for a physical touch person
- Hold their hand when you’re walking
- Rest your head on their shoulder
- Get in some cuddle time
- Give them a back scratch
- Offer a massage
- Kiss and hug them often
- Dance closely with them
Examples of Words of Affirmation:
If this is your partner’s love language, you can’t tell them “I love you” often enough or tell them nice things often enough! Be careful that your words are more often positive than critical, as being critical too often can be really hurtful for someone whose love language is words of affirmation. It’s okay if you need to provide critical feedback, but keep it objective and balance it out with more sweet words than constructive
- Say “I love you” often
- Give them compliments
- Tell them what you love about them
- Praise their achievements or even their efforts
- Give them a cheesy shoutout post on social media (if they are okay with public attention!)
- Write a list of reasons why you love
- Tell them you’re proud of them and why
We know that this week’s challenge has the potential to be transformational for a couple!
We can’t wait to hear how this week’s challenge goes for you! Respond back to our email and let us know!